You Revive Me

A few weeks ago I had an epidural injection for my back pain. When doctors do these types of injections they have to inject medicine into the epidural space which if it doesn't heal correctly will cause the spinal fluid to leak out and cause horrific headaches, better known as spinal headaches. The spinal fluid acts as a cushion around the brain and without it, the brain tends to sag and rubs painfully against the bony skull and causes the  blood vessels to dilate causing a great deal of pain.

 I have been having headaches for almost 3 weeks now. They weren't too bad but bad enough to be annoying. I've been back to see my doctor and tried several medications but nothing has gotten rid of those headaches. 

Well, on Friday, those little annoying headaches turned into the worst headache I've ever had. I tried everything I knew to try but nothing even eased the pain. Bryan said at one point, I was basically incoherent. So, he called my mom, she rushed over to watch the boys and Bryan took me to the hospital. I honestly barely remember going there. I was vomiting and holding my head in my arms and begging them to hurry up. It sounds silly now but I seriously thought I might die.

The nurses tried their best to manage my pain but even two doses of morphine didn't touch the pain of a spinal headache. We were there for hours and hours and I was absolutely miserable. I remember laying there praying quietly to myself, not knowing at all what I was saying, just begging God to help me. After lots of blood tests and a CT scan they were pretty certain that it was a spinal headache. The anesthesiologists came in and did a blood patch in the L5S1 disc space which basically means he took blood out of my arm and put in my spinal column. The procedure was very painful and I had to lay flat the rest of the night but I felt some relief within an hour.

On Saturday morning, I was able to get up and take Dylan on a hayride. Can you believe that? I honestly thought I might die not even 12 hours before that! It will take a few days until I feel 100% because my spinal fluid has been slowly leaking for almost 3 weeks but the change in the way I felt in just a few hours was absolutely amazing!

As I drove Dylan to the hayride, I listened to one of my new favorite songs, "You Revive Me," by Christy Nockels. The bridge of this song says "I'm alive, I'm alive, You breathe on me, You revive me." It seems as though that is exactly what happened to me on Friday night. I was lifeless and desperate and God breathed on me and revived me. In reality, that is what He does for me all the time. Without Him, I am nothing. Without Him, I can do nothing. Without Him, I am hopeless. BUT, He breathes on me and revives me! He gives me hope and a reason to live!

Today I am thankful for the experience I endured on Friday. No, I do not want to endure it again but these types of experiences force me to see how human I am and how desperate I am for my Savior. It also allows me to sing out "I'm alive, I'm alive" in the moments that I would normally take for granted.  I am also grateful for my husband and my mom. Without them, I don't know what my boys and I would have done. They have done so much for me lately.

Sometimes I feel the tempted to say "why me" because I've been through a lot lately but I'm refusing to say that! Instead, I'm going to say "thank you!" Thank you to my Heavenly Father for yet another opportunity to see Him Revive me!

Here is the video for You Revive Me by Christy Nockels
http://youtu.be/uc1pracWkng