Will he ever learn?

My family went to the park this afternoon. It was a gorgeous day! While Bryan and Dylan were swinging together, I played with Evan in the grass. I couldn't help but laugh at him because of his continuous desire to eat whatever he could find on the ground. He kept putting mulch, grass, dirt and dried leaves in his mouth. Every time he put something in his mouth, I reached up and took it out. It was obvious that he didn't really like the taste of the dirt because he kept making horrible faces but that didn't stop him. I just kept thinking, "will he ever learn?" 

As I sat there with him, observing his silly behavior, I was reminded of myself. It seems like no matter how hard I "try," there are some things I just never seem learn. You'd think by now that I would have learned how to stand up for myself, how to take care of myself, how to say no, how to put my faith into action, how to enjoy the simple things in life, how to put others first without letting them walk all over me, how to aim to please God instead of man, etc. These are some of the things I've struggled with my entire life and even though I've tried everything, I just can't teach myself to be different. I get so aggravated with myself.  Just like a baby naturally puts everything in his mouth, these things come naturally to me. As I watched my son, I felt God whisper to me, "Evan is just like his mother. He needs you to continually save him from eating bugs and dirt just like you need Me to continually save you and its alright, Tori. You can't do it alone."

As Christians, we often waste our time "trying" to be who God wants us to be but lately, I feel like God has been teaching me to stop trying. No matter how hard I try, I will never be "good enough." In reality, I don't need to try at all. 2nd Corinthians 12:9 says “...'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." So, according to God's Word, instead of getting so upset with myself because of the things I can't change, I need be thankful for those things. Its in those areas of my life that the power of Christ is made perfect.  When I focus on Jesus, rely on His grace, and surrender all my "junk," I can rest in His power and love. I can stop being so hard on myself and just be who God made me to be.

Today I am thankful that God is continually saving me.  No matter what I do or how hard I try, I will never be who everyone wants me to be, or be able to do everything that needs to be done, or become the perfect Christian. And that's ok because Christ's power is made perfect in my weaknesses. I don't have anything to prove. That is such a refreshing thought.

"Everything You are to me
 is everything I'll ever need 
and I am learning to believe 
that I don't have to prove a thing 
because You're the One who's saving me. 
Hallelujah!" -Josh Wilson