Epiphany at 4:30am

The other night my 12 month old little boy began crying and screaming in the night. I got up and made my way to his room. I found my poor little fella covered in throw up. Bless his heart. He was a mess and he smelled pretty bad too. I picked up him, took his clothes off him, washed him off from head to toe, put on a new diaper and new pajamas. I changed the sheets on his bed and removed all signs of the throw up. I sat down in the rocking chair and began to to rock my sweet boy back to sleep. I could tell he still didn't feel good. I didn't want to put him in the crib yet because he just needed his Momma, I could tell.

I rocked him for a while longer and watched his eyes get heavy. As I rocked, God brought so many thoughts to my mind. I pondered and explored those thoughts in my head. My precious baby boy was covered in yuck and had no way of cleaning himself up. I washed him and took away the stuff that made him dirty. Even though he didn't feel any better, he was clean because I had cleansed him. He was no longer wearing those old soiled clothes. He was no longer covered in a foul stench. I could tell he didn't feel clean but he was, because I said so. And even though he had been covered in gross, I still loved him and held him and desired for him to feel clean and wonderful again, because he was.

This is something I need to learn myself. Even though I have done things I'm not proud of and believed things that others have told me, my God has still loved me and still held me. He has removed the yuck from my life. I am clean and free. Not because I did anything to cleanse or free myself, but because God did it for me. He wanted to wash me and make me clean. Even though I don't feel clean and whole and free, I am. Why? Because He says so. Because He did what needed to be done. Because He is the one who cleanses and creates something new within us.

My little guy didn't clean himself, he didn't feel "like new," he probably didn't even truly understand that I had cleansed him BUT he was clean.

I may not feel forgiven but I am. I may not feel loved but I am. I may not feel beautiful but I am. I am enough even when I don't feel like it because God says I'm enough. When the people in my life reject me, I am accepted and delighted in by my Father. There is nothing I could do to cause him to love me more or less. I am valued. I am worth it. I am His. 

So are you!

Today I am thankful that my God continues to teach me through the ordianry mom-stuff I deal with in and out of each day. He speaks right to my heart, even while I'm cleaning up throw up! I am grateful that when my heart is aching because people have hurt me or let me down, my God reminds me that He is the One that defines who I am. No matter how I feel or what others think or say, I am who God says I am because He said so!