Living with the "Suicide Disease"

A lot of you may know this about me but some may not so, I'll share the details... In 2006, I started having really horrible headaches in the back left side of my head. This lightening type pain was horrific. I went to doctor after doctor and I was finally diagnosed with Occipital Neuralgia, which is permanent nerve damage. It is often referred to as "the suicide disease" because of how painful and never-ending it is. Knowing this pain would never end, I started going to a neurologist in High Point. He wanted to prescribe a medication that might help but would prevent me from having children. That was NOT an option for me. So, my brother got me an appointment with a Neurosurgeon at Duke. Dr. O didn't have the best bedside manner but God used him in an amazing way in my life! At my first visit Dr. O discussed implanting a neurostimulator in my head to combat the pain. My first answer was "absolutely not" but as time went on and the pain continued, I started to think more and more about this implant. In July of 2007, I had neurosurgery at Duke and Dr. O implanted the neurostimulator. The stimulator is in the back left side of my head, the wire runs under my skin, down my back, and the battery pack was implanted right below my left hip. It was a pretty scary ordeal and I had to wait 8 weeks before I could lift my arms above my head but this surgery was a miracle! 

Occipital Neuralgia pain feels like lightening bolts are shocking you in the back of the head. It feels like fire and ice all at the same time. It happens all day long and there are no pain medications to dull the pain. The damage to the occipital nerve is permanent so this pain never ends. But wait...if God wants it to end, it will! The stimulator was made for back pain, to be implanted in the back but God gave Dr. O the idea of placing it in some one's head instead. Every time I go to a doctor and tell them about my stimulator, they have never even heard of such a thing! O yea, I was the first person to ever have a baby (make that 2 babies!) with this stimulator. I just have to say it again....this stimulator is a miracle! God is still in the miracle business!

I was told I would have reduced pain with the stimulator but I usually do not feel the Occipital Neuralgia pain at all since I had the stimulator implanted. To be honest, I usually forget that I have Occipital Neuralgia. I'm not even slightly bothered by the "suicide disease" most days. But last night, in the middle of the night, I awoke to the lightening pain. It was so strong that it woke me up and it was causing my body to jump. My stimulator was on but I was experiencing "break away" pain, which happens about every 6 months or so. I suddenly remembered my diagnosis and I immediately began to praise God for the miracle.

 Thank You Father, I am so grateful that I do not feel that pain every day! 

I know some folks don't believe that God still performs miracles but I promise, He does! I've been hearing and studying a lot about miracles this past week and all the while I had completely forgotten the miracle God performed in my life in 2007. His miracle was so good that I forget that I am in constant pain (or I would be in if the stimulator turned off). God was so gracious last night, to remind me of this miracle. I've been dealing with the "break away" pain all day today because it usually takes a day or two to find the right setting on my remote (yes, I have a remote! LOL!) With every shock that I feel in the back of my head, I am filled with gratitude. 

Today I am thankful for the "break away" pain I have been experiencing. It has caused me to remember HOW GREAT OUR GOD IS! He can turn any bad thing into something good! He is so good, so able, so willing, and so amazing! Thank You God for the many miracles you've performed in my life! Thank you for allowing me to feel that pain, for just a little while, so that I would recall how you've blessed me!