My Weakness... (again)

In January the back pain that I have dealt with for 7 years was miraculously healed! It was incredible. Even now, I do not suffer with that back pain any longer. (PRAISE GOD!) While I have been blown away by God's work in my life, I haven't been able to fully enjoy this miracle because of the all-over body pain, fatigue, and many other symptoms that I suffer with daily. 

One of my doctors diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia about 6 months ago. Since then, I've researched and tried everything to help reduce these symptoms. There is really no rhyme or reason to this pain. I've been praying and seeking God's direction for months because some days, I can barely get out of the bed. Its really hard to be the mommy I need to be while feeling so horrible. I recently felt God instructing me to seek more help from doctors. I asked to have my thyroid checked because so many of my symptoms could be hormone related. While having an ultrasound, a thyroid nodule was found. Because of this nodule and my sweet sister-in-law's help, I was able to get an appointment with the head Endocrinologist at Duke. 

So yesterday the nodule was examined and a really, really good doctor actually listened to me. She seemed to genuinely care about me and desires to help me feel better. She doesn't think the nodule is cancerous but wants to look at it again in 6 months. As for all my symptoms, she ordered multiple tests and wants me to keep pushing to find out what's going on because this isn't normal, for anyone. 

I'm still waiting on all of the test results but just knowing that someone is truly trying to help me is so encouraging. I am so grateful. Today was probably my worst day so far, with pain and fatigue. I feel certain that Satan doesn't want me to find healing again so he's messing with me. God directed my steps and led me to this doctor and that angers the Enemy. He wants me to be discouraged and feel abandoned in my pain, again. God has healed me once, He can do it again! It may not be in the same way, but I believe He's doing it. I believe, even as I sit here unable to move without pain...He is here. He is flooding me with peace. He is reassuring my heart. I am ok. I am grateful.

"Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

It may seem odd to boast about one's weaknesses but I think I'm started to understand why Paul would say such a thing. It's been in the most trying, difficult times of my life that I have seen God's power on full display! With my back injury and all that I dealt with because of that, my relationship with Jesus grew tremendously because I got to see Him in ways I had never seen Him before. So, as much as I wish this pain would leave me, I am thankful for another chance to see God's majesty! This weakness (literal muscle weakness and metaphorically speaking) is a beautiful thing because in my weakness, Christ's power is made full! Probably, because I'm not getting in the way!

It is so tempting to feel annoyed and angry that I am in so much pain, again. I am not getting to enjoy the healing of my back because I am struggling with fibromyalgia----or whatever this is. Honestly, I have those moments but overall, God is blessing me with peace and helping me to understand His heart toward me, even though I'm in pain. His grace has been sufficient and will continue to be.

As I wait for results and continue to walk in this pain, I ask for your prayers. Please pray specifically that God will give the doctor wisdom and she will be able to figure out what is going on in my body and that a treatment of some sort will be available. Please also pray for continued peace and strength as I wait. I just want to be the wife and mom I was made to be, and this pain makes that difficult. Thank you, friends.