Not for a moment...

Its really easy to look back over a difficult time in our lives and see how God has brought us through. Its entirely different to trust Him completely in the midst of a storm. After having a spinal headache for 4 weeks, being sent to the emergency room 3 times because my usual doctor is out of town, having 2 failed blood patches, and 4 days of bed rest, and still having the headache, I have been very tempted to feel as if God has forsaken me. In my mind I know that His Word says he will never leave me but in my heart, I start to feel alone and forgotten.  As I have looked back over my journal, I can see how God has been preparing me for this experience. I meditate on and journal about a verse or passage each day. When I look back, all of the past week's verses have had something to do with God's sovereignty, His comfort, His faithfulness and His promise to never forsake us. When I look over all of those now, I am comforted because God knew what was coming in my life and  He laid these verses on my heart to help prepare me. He doesn't want me to feel abandoned. He loves me. He hasn't forgotten me.

Last night I was sent to the emergency room (again) by my doctor's office because they wanted me to have CT Scan done of my back. There is concern that there may be a larger hole or tear in my spinal column, since the blood patches aren't correcting the problem. So, Bryan and I spent 6 hours in the ER only to find out that the hospital doesn't even do the type of CT Scan I needed to have done. We were devastated because we would not have wasted our time if the doctor's office had not sent us there. We are also hoping to find out what is causing these spinal headaches. Well, as you may imagine, I started to feel forgotten and frustrated.

When we got home, God made the following quote pop off the page of a devotional...

"The truth is, we aren't wise enough to assume another path would be best for us. Maybe the easier road won't make us into the person God intends us to be. Perhaps the difficult road is a path of grace—protecting us from the worst."- Campbell

I don't know what God is up to but, really, I don't need to know. I just need to trust Him and allow Him to lead me through this process even when the path seems difficult. One of my favorite verses right now is Isaiah 41:13. It has been entering my mind over and over again through this experience. It says, "For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."

I am so grateful for this promise today. God is right beside me, He takes hold of my hand and He promises to help me. He knows the road that lies ahead of me. He knows what He is protecting me from and what He is preparing me for. I can trust Him. He steadies my heart and reminds me daily that He will never forsake me...not for a moment.

 This song is one of my favorites right now. I can look back and see how God has never forsaken me in the past and I can cling to the promise that He will not forsake me now...not for a  moment.