Unnatural but worthwhile...

After four years of waiting, yesterday was supposed to be the day that I finally found closure in my worker's compensation case. We had our settlement mediation yesterday afternoon. It started late and ended before any agreement was made. So, we're still waiting. I feel like that's the story of my life these days. Between waiting over 2 years for our house to sell and waiting over 4 years for my worker's comp case to end, I am honestly incredibly tired of waiting. Its not pretty but it's real. I am sick and tired of waiting.

After the disappointment I experienced yesterday, I found myself wondering if maybe I'm believing God for nothing. Maybe I shouldn't be believing God? Maybe my hope is in something that I'm misunderstanding? 

You know I'm about tell you how God put me in my place today, right?  Well, He did! Tonight, after putting the boys to bed, I went outside and spent some time reading about Abraham and Sarah. God told Abraham that he would have descendants as numerous as stars in the sky. Abraham must have thought that was ridiculous. After all, he was 75 years old the first time he was promised these descendants.  Most men don't have children after age 75 especially when their wife is getting pretty old too. But even though it seemed crazy, Abraham believed. Sarah was 90 and Abraham was 100 when Issac born. She was way past child-bearing years before God came through but, He did! 

As I was thinking about this story, I looked up into the night sky and noticed three tiny little stars. It occurred to me that yes, one day Abraham's descendants did become as numerous as the stars but they didn't start that way. It started with one baby. One baby that had to be born at specific time.  Can you imagine how many times Sarah must have thought she was finally pregnant, only to realize that she wasn't? Can you imagine how frustrated they must have been month after month, year after year? Can you imagine how impatient you'd have to be to allow your husband to sleep with someone else in order to have a baby, like Sarah did? Just because God didn't come through when Sarah was 20 or 30 or even 88, He did come through! Just because Abraham didn't see the descendants as numerous as the stars, doesn't mean God didn't fulfill the promise. The frustration that I feel in the waiting is natural. Choosing to believe God, the way Abraham did, is unnatural. Its unnatural but worthwhile!

A few minutes later I looked up again to notice that the clouds had covered those three little stars. Just because they were covered by the clouds doesn't mean they weren't there. Just because my case didn't settle yesterday doesn't mean it won't. God has already worked it all out. I just can't see it yet. 

Today I am thankful that my God is so trustworthy. Yesterday didn't go as I had hoped but instead of being discouraged, I'm choosing to believe, like Abraham did. God knows exactly what my family needs and when we need it. He will come through, even if it isn't the way I envisioned. Why do I worry? Why do I feel so defeated? Why do I doubt? Why do I fear? Why do I try to work things out on my own? This is God's story, NOT MINE! He is going to do exactly what needs to be done. I can relax, rest, and be at peace. 

Waiting is hard. Life is difficult. Uncertainty is scary. Believing God is unnatural for us. Its unnatural but worthwhile!