Built for THIS Battle

Since being diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis last Tuesday, I have been devouring as much information as possible about this disease. It's sort of weird to think that last week at this time I had no idea what is causing all of my pain and discomfort.  Actually, for at least 6 years I've had no idea what wrong with me but now, this enemy of mine has a name, a definition, and a very intimidating reputation. 

I've also been spending a lot of time in God's Word because as good as it is for me to know my enemy, it's more important for me to know the One that has promised me victory. One thing my God has been reiterating to me, over and over again, is that I was built for THIS battle. That HE built me FOR this battle.

It would be so easy for me to be full of fear and worry and doubt at this point. Honestly, there are moments where those emotions creep in but then I'm reminded that before I ever took a breath, God knew each and every difficulty I would face. So, while He was creating me, He gave me all that I would need to face the trials of life head-on. 

Ephesians 2:10b in the Passion Translation says, "Even before we were born, God planned in advance our destiny and the good works we would do to fulfill it."  

2 Corinthians 4:17 in the Passion Translation says, "We view our slight, short-lived troubles in the light of eternity. We see our difficulties as the substance that produces for us an eternal, weighty glory beyond all comparison."

God has used these two verses to reassure me that He has my destiny in His hands. He is using all of the difficulties that I have already encountered and all the ones to come, to help me become the person He created me to be. The trials are productive. They are purposeful. They are not useless. 

This is the picture God has given me, to help me have a better perspective on this battle. 

I'm learning that the pain isn't from God. That, of course, is a tactic of the Enemy, but God can use even the worst situation for good. He could take it all away with one word but instead, He chooses to grow us and develop us through these troubles. They give us the reminders we need to fully depend on Him for without those reminders, pride would surely keep us from falling at His feet.  We will not be transformed into the person that God designed without the troubles and pain of life. It's worth it though. There is purpose and a plan through it all. 

James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Really James, pure joy?? You want me to be joyful about having a debilitating auto-immune disorder that will continue to rear its ugly head for the rest of my life? 

YES. Yes. This is an example of one of life's trials doing its "job." It will produce perseverance that will help me to become mature and complete.

 This beast that Satan hopes will destroy me is only going to make me stronger.

"In all these things (even Ankylosing Spondylitis) we are triumphantly victorious due to the One who loved us." Romans 8:37

This is not the diagnosis I wanted or ever thought I would be given. It's not elegant or understood. Instead, it seems dirty and hidden. It's lonely and rare and overlooked. It will be an unwanted companion for the rest of my days. There are no races to raise awareness about this disease because AS sufferers aren't able to run. There are no CaringBridge sites to keep up with AS patient's stories becuase this journey doesn't come to an end.  BUT ---I was built for THIS battle. I won't be able to do it on my own but with the help of the Holy Spirit, I have everything I need to be victorious. I'm not 100% sure what victory looks like but it doesn't really matter because, regardless of what happens, God has already said: "Tori, you win!"

Today I am grateful to know what my enemy looks like and what I'm up against. I am thankful for a peace that I truly can't explain and a joy that allows me to look upon the days ahead without fear. Tomorrow my Rheumatologist and I will decide on the plan for treatment, even though it will truly be a process of trial and error to see what will work for my body. I've spent years not knowing what's wrong so I am grateful for the hope that we may find something to help with my pain. Mostly I'm grateful that my God has gone before me and He goes behind me and He is always with me. He has built me for this battle and has constantly reminded me of that before the treatment even begins!