The "Thorn in my Side"

It's been 5 and 1/2 years since I suffered my back injury. I've had spinal fusion surgery, countless injections, a temporary implant, hours upon hours of physical therapy, taken probably 10 different medications, and the pain remains. Today, as I laid upon the chiropractor table, I found myself oddly grateful for the pain. I've come so far since the day I was pushed down and a disc in my back was punctured and my spine fractured. Instead of teaching in the public school system, I am now teaching at home. Instead of having only one child, I have three. Instead of living in a tiny little house, I have a beautiful home in an amazing neighborhood. Instead of having an average marriage, my husband and I have grown closer to one another than I'd ever imagined. Instead of "going through the motions" in my Christian walk, I have truly learned to lean on my God and trust in Him on a daily basis. 

After having my back aligned today and discussing my pain with Dr. Murray, I laid there on the table, knowing that more than likely this pain is something I will always endure. I couldn't help but wonder if this is similar to what Paul was talking about when he shared about the "thorn in his side." 

"Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me,“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

I have no idea what Paul's thorn was. It could have been physical pain or maybe a temptation or even an emotional struggle. I think I know my thorn though. The thorn was given to me 5 and 1/2 years ago and it remains. I have asked numerous times for it to be removed and the answer is no. I hate the pain but at the same time, I've grown accustomed to it. God has produced gratitude in my heart for this pain. He has done so much through this pain in my life and in my family. I've come to truly know Him in a way that wouldn't have been possible without this pain. The pain keeps me from boasting and going through life relying on my own strength. I have learned that Christ is my strength. I have learned that my pain allows me to see that strength. 

On my way home from the chiropractor I heard "I Am" by David Crowder. The song repeats, " I Am holding on to you. I Am holding on to you. In the middle of the storm I Am holding on to you. I Am." The storms of our lives allow us to become aware of God's grip on us. But I think this song can be sung in the reverse as well. Because of my storm, I am holding on to God. If the pain were removed, I might let go. He would never let go but I might. The pain is a blessing. 

Today I am thankful for my thorn, grateful for my pain. It draws me closer to my Lord. It reminds how much I need Him. It allows me to know Him as the One who sustains me, as my Sufficiency, as my Strength, and my Hope.