A Message in a Bottle

Last Monday, Bryan and I decided to take the kids on a spontaneous trip to the beach. We're not typically spontaneous people, so this was a big deal! We decided to leave on Tuesday after I served on the sidewalk outside of Planned Parenthood in Winston Salem. As I was driving to the Not Forgotten Ministries' office, I passed by the exit that leads to the former abortion clinic where I had my abortion in 1999. As soon as I saw the exit, my heart sank. I realized I had planned our spontaneous beach trip over the twenty first anniversary of my abortion. I had being hoping to go back to the former abortion clinic to check on the memorial I made last year, on the twentieth anniversary. Now that we wouldn't be in town, I felt terrible. It may seem odd to some but since it took me seventeen years to speak of the child I aborted and twenty years to truly do something in her honor, the thought of not doing something this year, just tore me up. 

I shared my disappointment with a sweet friend while serving on the sidewalk and she suggested doing something in her memory while at the beach. Then she suggested a message in a bottle. I loved the idea so as soon as I got home I grabbed one of the little jars I use when making the "tear jars" for the Not Forgotten Ministries Fundraising Store. It was the only one I had with a cork in it. 

On the way to the beach I looked up some info about messages in a bottle and came across an article that shared that God has a special message for His children, also in a bottle. 

"You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?" Psalm 56:8

The message in a bottle for us, is that our tears and the reasons for them, do not go unnoticed. The fact that God collects our tears in His bottle reaffirms His love and concern for us. 

As I read this, I realized a message in a bottle would be the perfect thing to do in my child's honor. 

Not only as a memorial for her, but also as a reminder for me. I was reminded that God sees every tear that has fallen. He knows my heart. He is near and He cares. Not to mention the fact that I had grabbed one of the jars we use for the "tear jars" in our store!! How crazy is that?

While spending quiet time with the Lord and watching the sunrise each morning during our stay, I wrote the message for the bottle. 

Bryan helped me use wax to seal to the jar so the message wouldn't get wet.

This morning, on the twenty-first anniversary of my abortion, I walked along the beach, watched the incredible sunrise, and praised God for the good He has brought from such a horrible thing in my past. 

And then I threw the little jar as far as I possibly could into the ocean.

I sat for a while, listening to worship songs and watching the waves. I finally got up to walk back to our condo and something told me to look back, so I did.  In the distance I saw something glistening on the sand. I walked toward it and realized, my throwing skills just weren't gonna cut it. I picked up my bottle and carried it back inside with me. 

Before heading home today, Bryan stopped by the Second Ave Pier so we could toss the little jar out into the ocean, much further than my little arm could throw.

It meant a lot to me to have my family with me as I tossed the jar for the second time. Everything I've done in honor of my aborted child, I've mostly done alone. The bottle returning to me the way it did, forced me to ask Bryan for help and ended up involving my whole family in the experience, which was very special for me. The kids didn't know the details of what we were doing, but they still loved the idea of someone finding my message some day. 

I've only known the date of my abortion for a little over a year now. When I found out the date I promised myself that I would never let June 19th pass by without doing something, no matter what it might be, in honor of the child I hid for seventeen years. Today I am grateful that my friend suggested a message in a bottle. It was perfect for today. I won't lie, today was hard. I suspect every June 19th will be hard. But, it reinforces my mission to help other women refrain from making this choice and help those that have made the choice find healing and freedom in Jesus. 

I know this won't make sense to some people and others will cringe at my transparency, but if sharing my journey helps even one person find healing or save one baby, it will all be worth it.