What Abortion Really Looks Like...

This is not something I ever imagined doing. In fact, even a couple of years, the thought of telling someone my story made me sick to my stomach. But God has changed everything for me. It's not something I've done, other than just being willing. He has provided forgiveness, healing, and freedom that I cannot begin to adequately describe. 

A little over 2 weeks ago, Angela Forker of the After Abortion Photography Series, flew from Indiana to North Carolina to tell my story through conceptual imagery. The photo shoot took place at the former abortion clinic where I had an abortion 20 years ago. It wasn't an easy experience. It was difficult being back inside that building, reliving that day, and allowing someone to see the full reality of my past. There is also a heaviness there that can't be explained. I thought it was just a feeling I had because of my history inside these walls but as soon as we drove in the parking lot, Angela felt it too. The day was tough but the outcome is powerful. 

Here's my story depicted through Angela's Art...

I won't lie, looking at these photos isn't easy for me. Mostly because Angela did an amazing job depicting my memories and emotions so that others can see the truth about abortion. It's also very eerie to see myself back inside the place I spent years trying to forget. The location of each of these photos is symbolic as well....

The first photo was taken by the front door of the former Arcadia Women's Clinic. I entered believing I was making the right choice. I couldn't have been more wrong.

The second photo is taken in what I believe to be the former patient waiting room. Once the nurse called us back we were completely removed from the person waiting on us. These walls are etched into my memory. That brick disgusts me and always has. I remember staring at those mismatched bricks and crying as I waited.

The third photo was taken by the side door where patients exited the building. The clinic employees knew it wasn't smart for anyone in the waiting to room to see the post-abortive women leaving. I love that Angela instructed me to continue wearing the hospital gown in this photo and several others because the time I spent inside the clinic changed me. I wore a shroud of shame and despair. I was very good at hiding it but it was with me constantly.

The fourth photo was taken inside the patient bathroom. When we walked into this room I had the most vivid memory. What you can't see in this photo is the line of toilets against the wall without any doors. I remember a nurse standing by the door as a few of us used the bathroom and changed our clothes. Dignity was gone at this point anyway, right? So we just did as she said. This photo speaks the most to me, probably because I worked so hard to hide my secret for 17 years. It was exhausting and overwhelming. Thank God that is over!

In the fifth photo I am hiding under the counter in the Dispensary. This is the room where the babies were pieced back together to ensure nothing was left behind. The counter I'm under is where this despicable act was done. This room is also directly across the hall from the room where my procedure occurred. That was the day I began hiding. That was the day I began believing my life had no value. That was the day I wanted nothing more than to pretend it had never happened. Angela depicts those feelings so well in this photo.

The sixth photo was taken right outside the back door of the former clinic. This is the door the employees exited to toss the remains in the bins. I placed this memorial to my sweet baby right there on June 19, 2019, the 20th anniversary of the abortion. I was so blessed to see that the memorial was still there. This is where I marked my "Gilgal." This idea is traced back to the story of the Israelites in the book of Joshua in the Bible. After wandering for 40 years in the desert, they are finally about to enter the Promised Land. God parts the Jordan River for them to pass through (just as He had parted the Red Sea for their ancestors) and tells them to gather 12 stones from the river to be placed in a circle as a memorial, a reminder for future generations of God's great faithfulness. This was done at Gilgal which means, "circle of stones" and represents coming FULL CIRCLE. 

This memorial is my Gigal....God has brought me full circle.

The final photo is my favorite. My husband and and I are standing on the very spot where the remains were tossed. Most post-abortive women aren't married to the man that got them pregnant but by God's grace, I am. The significance of this photo cannot be explained. What God has done in our relationship over the past 20 years and how He is using our story is mind-blowing. It can only be HIM! Together we stood in this spot, knowing that our first child is safe in the arms of God. This was the first time we had been to this place together. To have this moment captured is such a gift to me. 

To say I like or love these pictures just doesn't feel right but I will say, I am incredibly pleased with the way they turned out. Angela has a God given talent. Her ability to portray the raw emotion that comes along with abortion is breath-taking. These photos are so powerful and I am so thankful that I was allowed to be a part of this amazing work.

I know some folks won't understand why I would expose my secret in such a way. I know others will laugh at my willingness to share my story and cringe at my transparency. That's 100% okay with me because I know God desires for my story to help other women who are suffering silently.

I fully believe that post-abortive women are the key to the pro-life movement. If we are bold enough to expose the truth about abortion and share what it really does to women, we can change the opinion of our generation on this topic. Only those who have experienced this nightmare can adequately reveal abortion's true impact. Angela's After the Abortion Photography Series is the perfect vehicle for our stories to shed light on this dark topic.

Thank you, Jesus, for allowing my story to be used by You.

www.theyarenotforgotten.com