Today was a very special for me. It's been almost 3 months since I wrote the blog, I've had a secret for 17 years. In those months since I shared my darkest secret, I have experienced freedom that I never knew existed. I have been able to talk openly about the abortion I had when I was 16. I have had many folks come to me to discuss similar secrets they have had. I have walked in true forgiveness and grace that my Jesus has wanted for me all along. Today, I experienced a new level of this freedom. Today my family and the Vreeke family were able to place memorial bricks for our unborn babies in the Memorial Garden at the New Life Family Outreach in High Point. We also planted flowers in honor of our babies in Heaven.
Valerie and I both have 3 little boys, we both homeschool our boys, and we both love Jesus. Our paths crossed 3 years ago when Dylan did his "Diaper Doozie" to buy diapers for the New Life Family Outreach (formerly known as the Pregnancy Care Center). Since then, Valerie and I have become great friends. When I felt led to share my secret with the world in May, Valerie was expecting their 4th child. A few weeks later, she lost the baby. Since I have also had a miscarriage in 2007, I knew exactly how she was feeling. Now this was another thing that we have in common. We both have babies in Heaven.
Several years ago I helped in the memorial garden at the New Life Family Outreach. We just cleaned it up and planted some flowers. While I was there, I secretly planted those flowers in honor of my babies in Heaven. No one knew but me. I remember looking at the bricks while we were there and wishing that I could do something like that, in honor of my babies. At that point, I never dreamed I would ever have the freedom to do it. God is so faithful, so good, so able to answer our prayers and give us what we need, even when we don't know we need it. That day in the garden, He already knew that He would bring a special friend into my life that would experience a great loss, and would walk with me through such a remarkable time in my life.
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| The Memorial Garden at the New Life Family Outreach |
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| Planting flowers in honor of our babies in Heaven |
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| Tyson wanted to help! |
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| This is the flower bed I planted flowers in several years ago. |
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| We placed our bricks close to one another. |
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| Our brick for our babies in Heaven |
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| Valerie and Jason's brick for their sweet baby in Heaven. |
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| You know I had to wear a KEEPer for the occasion! |
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| My sweet friend, Valerie, and me with our bricks. |
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| All our little fellas |
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| My loves.... |
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| Valerie's family |
Today, as our families planted flowers and placed our special bricks in the ground, my heart was filled with gratitude. I just keep thinking about sitting in the garden, planting flowers a few years ago, praying and thinking about my babies in Heaven. In those very moments, God already knew what would occur today. His love for us is so great, so detailed, so constant. In those moments, He must have been smiling, knowing that one day I would walk in freedom and get to honor my babies the way I longed to. I no longer hide behind a secret. Now, I walk in freedom and I have such a great friend walking with me. I am so grateful.
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